We often listen to the wrong people. Here’s how to make better listening decisions.

I thought growing wiser meant knowing all the answers. But it’s not. Growing up means knowing who to listen to, and what to listen for.

What defines wisdom is knowing who to trust, how to block those who may not necessarily want the best for us. It’s not about making better problem-solving choices, but about making better listening decisions.

Here are five lessons from the many mistakes I made.

1. Listen to the invisible intent.

Find the intent behind the advice. Not the quality of the advice, but the why. Is there any conflicting interest or hidden agenda?

2. Listen to your gut.

When something doesn’t quite sit right, listen to it. Logic and reason can only get you so far; you need to listen to what you feel.

3. Listen to your needs.

What do you need at this stage of your life? Many who tell you what you ought to do don’t necessarily understand what you are feeling. Be honest.

4. Listen to what the present tells you.

The past is long gone. Don’t get trapped into a cycle of needing to ‘make up’ for your mistakes. Start again now. Listen to what you need now.

5. Listen only to those who love you (and that includes you).

Listen to those who matter, and ignore the rest. So build up and protect that circle of people who love and care for you, and that list should include you.

I sometimes wish I tuned out bad advice. My life would be different.

But not necessarily better.

The road to wisdom is paved with mistakes, especially those involving listening to the wrong people. So learn to listen better, to advice from the right people. Don’t double down on bad advice.

Surround yourself with trust and love. Life only gets more complicated.

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