Do not overwhelm yourself.
I was never good at pacing myself.
I conditioned myself to believe that everything worth building and living for requires tremendous sacrifice, that you need to go after every bit of life with tireless fervor.
I prided myself on grit and tenacity — balancing an unreasonable amount of responsibilities and burdens just because I can.
Until one day, I find that I cannot.
Because grit, tenacity, passion, and purpose — they have healthy limits and boundaries, and an overextension of these can damage us beyond repair.
Because while selflessness and the pursuit of the greater good is admirable, kindness needs to be sustainable.
We have to make striving for a sense purpose difficult but attainable; not one fraught with the fantastical and impossible. Because what good is the pursuit of purpose if you end up discouraging others from doing the same?
The past months were lessons in managing energies — reminding myself that passions in life can be depleted, and that I need to recover towards and to rediscover a better version of myself.
Here are some of these reminders.
1. You don’t need to fix everything all at once.
I like making a laundry list of things to fix in the world, but there are so many dimensions to our life beyond finding purpose— finances, health, family, social life.
Having to combat everything at once will only drain us. Respect your finite capacity to give what you are able to. Your story is written out word by word. You don’t need a leap or a revelation every single day.
2. Growing is not about losing yourself.
I thought that growth had to be miserable.
Yes, growth is often difficult, and the climb towards your quest for purpose can feel barren and lonely at times — but the process has to feel meaningful to you. You have to still want what’s on the other side.
Be careful not to lose yourself along the way.
3. When you feel like you’re sliding back, zoom out.
Because my career has been marked with pivots rather than linear progressions, I am barraged with my own insecurities.
It’s easy to imagine why I think I’m behind my goals — I’ve never stayed on a single track to be in front. I shift and become an accumulation of random choices. But then I remember — these random choices made me.
It’s the combination of every single dimension that allows me to manifest a tiny, unique footprint in this world. I think that’s worth celebrating.
4. Look at life as an accumulation of experiences, not an attainment of milestones.
Because you are not here to win someone else’s game. You are not here to gain levels, hit certain accolades, and achieve awards by a certain time frame or age. Most of us would be lagging behind if that were the case.
Rather — think of every beautiful and damaging experience you have as a collection of rich stories. Embrace the light you house in you, and the scars you try so hard to hide— as signs that you’ve lived a human life.
To be damaged is a sign that we’ve gone through living.
5. Trust that you’ll find yourself in your own time.
Never think it’s too late to steer things back. Nothing is beyond your capacity to recover, to reconstruct, and to reimagine.
You may lose yourself completely in the process of getting overwhelmed, but time will give you that space to to rediscover yourself. You will have many more chances to figure out who you are (again, and again) and how you fit in to the shifting, expansive world around you.
Getting lost is just part of that process.
I’ve been there many times, marching towards the edge of being lost and coming back from the cusp of hopelessness again and again.
And I learn how to navigate the fog better every time — zooming out towards the broader landscape of life, and soaking in every bit of experience, one moment at a time.
